I cannot keep living my life this way. Every day is the same, eat, work, school, shit, sleep, repeat. Most people would say that everyone lives their life this way and it’s just a part of being a human being. I can’t stand it. I’m so bored. I feel like a zombie just going through the motions. I want to discover and explore life and the world. I feel like im wasting precious moments of my life doing nothing and achieving nothing in this town. I have nothing to show for it. A high school degree some college experience and a job at office max working my ass off getting paid nine dollars an hour. This cannot be all there is. I can’t be stuck here in this place much longer something needs to change. I feel as if sometimes i have to stir up arguments and trouble because i’m just so fucking bored. I don’t even feel anymore. Partly because of medication but partly because this is not the fucking life i want to live. If i could get up tomorrow pack my things and move I would. But I can’t because my shitty fucking income does not allow me to do so. My mother is no help and support at all she just thinks i  should just work all day slave at school and routinely go through the motions of something I call a miserable life. I have no way of being myself or expressing myself. I want to be seen and heard. I want people to know who I am. I want my life to be something significant. If i die tomorrow I don’t want to look back on my life and think of all the opportunities or things I could have been doing. I want to look back on accomplishments and see all the experiences that I lived through. I love my family and I love my friends and I wish I could bring them with me wherever I go. I want to tear my hair out. I feel like I’m stuck and literally fucking moving no where. I want to feel again, I just want to feel alive. Part of my soul is dying I can feel it and If i don’t do something about it soon i’ll just be another mindless zombie. I want a new life and I want it now. I want new people, intellectual friends. Someone to inspire me and spark my creativity.

and yes, I am crazy. Thank You.